Dumas 4
Before we are moms, we are women. Before we are women, we are girls. Before we are girls we are children. Few things have stayed constant in my life through all of these stages. My family, my faith and the desire to be a mother. I loved baby dolls as a child. I would enter a world where I was in control of those around me and they had to do what I told them. I foolishly thought that would happen when I became a mother. When I was a girl, I decided I would have 3 children. Two girls and a boy, just as my mother had. I foolishly thought that I got to decide these things when I became a mother. When I became a woman, I decided I would also have a wonderful career alongside these 3 perfect children. I foolishly thought I could do it all. As I lay here in bed recovering from a very simple surgery that had lasting effects on my ability to have more children, there is a photo in my direct line of sight. Its a black and white photo that I cherish. It is from a vacation we took before Emma was even 1 year old. We went to Colorado for a week in the summer to escape the heat of Texas, and the busyness of life. On our way home we stopped in Dumas, TX for a picture. There are not that many people who have the honor of having a last name like Dumas. It is often mispronounced, I'm sure my husband was teased terribly as a child, and I'm certain my daughters will hate it when they hit the 'tween years. But I married into this name. It came with the man I love so I like it. Just before you get to Dumas, Texas, there is a sign that reads "Dumas 4" indicating that you are just 4 miles from the thriving metropolis of Dumas, Texas (population 13,747, a quarter the size of the college I went to). I made my husband and my two daughters (and even my cousin Caitlin who came with us on this trip) get out and take a picture with this sign. At the last second, as the baby was crying and the toddler was whining, I just looked up and snapped one last photo of this sign. I eventually had a black and white made of it and I've always loved it but the "4" part of "Dumas 4" never meant much to me. I always planned that our family would be a family of 5 eventually. Today though, it reminds me that when I snapped that photo, on the side of the highway, in 100 degree heat, God knew I would need a sign. Dumas 4. It is, and always was, His plan for my life. I'm thankful for my sign. I needed a sign. I'd like to have that sign. I wonder what the fine is for stealing a sign that reads "Dumas 4." It might be worth it.
MY SISTER, MY FRIEND
I was raised a middle child. With that came many of the labels normally assigned to middle children. I epitomized most of these terms. I have an older sister and a younger brother. For many years, I felt invisible. My sister and I had a rocky relationship for years. We didn’t understand each other, we never got along well as kids. A 18 hour car ride changed that for me though. It was as if overnight, she became my sister for real. She was there at the hospital when my children were born. When our budget was tight at home, she surprised me with cute clothes and pajamas for a weekend trip I was taking. She bought me meals at restaurants, gifts for no reason, and endless toys for my children. But the things my sister has done for me surpass anything financial. She believes in me. She might not understand me, but she believes in me. She honors me and trusts me. She allows me into her home just to cry when I have no other place to go. She watches my kids so that I can enjoy a night alone with my husband. She cleans my house if I get in a bind. She even cooks chicken for me when morning sickness takes over and I can’t bare to look at a raw chicken breast. My sister is truly my friend. Not the kind of friend you have to be because your sisters, but deep down my friend. I know that I can never repay her for all that she’s done for me. She hasn’t kept a tally; she doesn’t even remember most of the kind things she’s done. She’s my sister and that’s what sisters do. I am so thankful we figured this "sister" stuff out before we missed another day without each other. I don’t feel invisible anymore. I know my sister sees me.
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