Dumas 4

Before we are moms, we are women. Before we are women, we are girls. Before we are girls we are children. Few things have stayed constant in my life through all of these stages. My family, my faith and the desire to be a mother. I loved baby dolls as a child. I would enter a world where I was in control of those around me and they had to do what I told them. I foolishly thought that would happen when I became a mother. When I was a girl, I decided I would have 3 children. Two girls and a boy, just as my mother had. I foolishly thought that I got to decide these things when I became a mother. When I became a woman, I decided I would also have a wonderful career alongside these 3 perfect children. I foolishly thought I could do it all. As I lay here in bed recovering from a very simple surgery that had lasting effects on my ability to have more children, there is a photo in my direct line of sight. Its a black and white photo that I cherish. It is from a vacation we took before Emma was even 1 year old. We went to Colorado for a week in the summer to escape the heat of Texas, and the busyness of life. On our way home we stopped in Dumas, TX for a picture. There are not that many people who have the honor of having a last name like Dumas. It is often mispronounced, I'm sure my husband was teased terribly as a child, and I'm certain my daughters will hate it when they hit the 'tween years. But I married into this name. It came with the man I love so I like it. Just before you get to Dumas, Texas, there is a sign that reads "Dumas 4" indicating that you are just 4 miles from the thriving metropolis of Dumas, Texas (population 13,747, a quarter the size of the college I went to). I made my husband and my two daughters (and even my cousin Caitlin who came with us on this trip) get out and take a picture with this sign. At the last second, as the baby was crying and the toddler was whining, I just looked up and snapped one last photo of this sign. I eventually had a black and white made of it and I've always loved it but the "4" part of "Dumas 4" never meant much to me. I always planned that our family would be a family of 5 eventually. Today though, it reminds me that when I snapped that photo, on the side of the highway, in 100 degree heat, God knew I would need a sign. Dumas 4. It is, and always was, His plan for my life. I'm thankful for my sign. I needed a sign. I'd like to have that sign. I wonder what the fine is for stealing a sign that reads "Dumas 4." It might be worth it.

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

I'M A MOM

I am a mom. I’m not just a mom. I’m a sister, a daughter, a friend, a wife, a writer, and a small business owner. But its funny that the fact that I enjoy writing, doesn’t change the way I parent. Just because I happen to be a sister, doesn’t influence my role as a wife. Being a mom, however, changes everything. I write about mom things, my business will involve children. My relationship with my husband is different now that we are parents. My bond with my mother has strengthened because I am a mom now too. My friends used to be “my” friends. Now my friendships are usually built around the fact that our children play well together or we may carpool to school. My friends are now the parents of my kids’ friends. It funny how two little beings can change who you are. I wasn’t extremely selfish before becoming a mom, but now it takes a major effort to remember “me.” I was always very messy as a kid, now it takes so much energy to keep their stuff and their home orderly. I’m a new woman! I have made sacrifices to be the woman I am. My body has changed. When my husband met me, I had only a few small, silvery stretch marks. Now my belly is covered in these lines of pregnancy. I have lost touch with friends. Women who don’t have children, generally don’t like to be around children. Where I go, the girls go so that creates a problem. I can make time for an occasional girls’ night out but if we are going to see each other regularly, its going to involve kids and most likely be at a place where a teenager is forced to dress like a cartoon animal. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, I just never imagined how it would change me. I think the change is for the good. No one wants to be around a selfish, messy, smooth skinned person anyway, right?
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