Dumas 4
Before we are moms, we are women. Before we are women, we are girls. Before we are girls we are children. Few things have stayed constant in my life through all of these stages. My family, my faith and the desire to be a mother. I loved baby dolls as a child. I would enter a world where I was in control of those around me and they had to do what I told them. I foolishly thought that would happen when I became a mother. When I was a girl, I decided I would have 3 children. Two girls and a boy, just as my mother had. I foolishly thought that I got to decide these things when I became a mother. When I became a woman, I decided I would also have a wonderful career alongside these 3 perfect children. I foolishly thought I could do it all. As I lay here in bed recovering from a very simple surgery that had lasting effects on my ability to have more children, there is a photo in my direct line of sight. Its a black and white photo that I cherish. It is from a vacation we took before Emma was even 1 year old. We went to Colorado for a week in the summer to escape the heat of Texas, and the busyness of life. On our way home we stopped in Dumas, TX for a picture. There are not that many people who have the honor of having a last name like Dumas. It is often mispronounced, I'm sure my husband was teased terribly as a child, and I'm certain my daughters will hate it when they hit the 'tween years. But I married into this name. It came with the man I love so I like it. Just before you get to Dumas, Texas, there is a sign that reads "Dumas 4" indicating that you are just 4 miles from the thriving metropolis of Dumas, Texas (population 13,747, a quarter the size of the college I went to). I made my husband and my two daughters (and even my cousin Caitlin who came with us on this trip) get out and take a picture with this sign. At the last second, as the baby was crying and the toddler was whining, I just looked up and snapped one last photo of this sign. I eventually had a black and white made of it and I've always loved it but the "4" part of "Dumas 4" never meant much to me. I always planned that our family would be a family of 5 eventually. Today though, it reminds me that when I snapped that photo, on the side of the highway, in 100 degree heat, God knew I would need a sign. Dumas 4. It is, and always was, His plan for my life. I'm thankful for my sign. I needed a sign. I'd like to have that sign. I wonder what the fine is for stealing a sign that reads "Dumas 4." It might be worth it.
COOL MOM YET?
So I took my girls and their friends to see the Hannah Montana Concert Movie in 3D. I’m hoping that makes me a “cool” mom because nothing else I’ve tried has worked. I was hoping for more of Billy Ray singing to me but I had to settle for young Miley Cirus wearing clothes that I really think she stole from my middle school closet. It was really fun. The girls sang and laughed and I enjoyed popcorn with my friend who is also in the running for coolest mom ever (I’m pretty sure we’re tied.) The entire time, I just kept thinking, “please stay a good girl Miley.” My girls look at her like she is the most amazing thing in the world. I remember that feeling. I loved Tiffany. Then Tiffany grew up and did some not-so-nice things. It seems like, all the icons my daughters adore are failing them. I can’t believe I used to sing Britney Spears songs to Brooke when she was a baby. Now I just pray she doesn’t catch a picture of her while we are at the grocery store check out line. I try to think of who would make a good role model for my daughters? Who can help them see their own beauty? Then it dawns on me. Me. I am the one that God has given to them to show them how to be a woman of character. Not Miley Cirus, not Ashley Tisdale, certainly not Britney Spears. Its me. It is up to me to teach them to be confident yet humble. Beautiful yet modest. That’s a lot of pressure for someone who is still trying to figure those things out myself. I hope they look at me and think I’m the most amazing thing ever. I hope I don’t let them down.
2 comments:
I love love love love love your blog! I SO hope you will post more often cuz I wanna read MORE! I love your heart sweet friend. I am so thankful that our paths have crossed and that our friendship grows! I look forward to reading more.....stop by my humble blog when you get a chance. You mind if I make a link to your blog?
Hey Ali!
I just found your blog and I love it! How fun to be able to catch up on you and your beautiful family!! And I couldn't agree more about the role model issue. Its a tall order, but obviously God put us in this place in these precious girls' lives!!
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